Thursday, January 29, 2004
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I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest Happy Hour Ministry in the history of our department.
One month ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, stepped down as Minister of Happiness. This momentous resignation came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of pissed off bartenders who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice and lackluster tips. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their resentment.
But one month later, the philosopher's thirst still is not quenched. One month later, the life of the philosopher is still sadly crippled by the manacles of alcoholism and the chains of boozery. One month later, the philosopher lives on a lonely island of debauchery in the midst of a vast ocean of decent, hard-working students. One month later, the philosopher is still languishing in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. So I have come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.
But there is something that I must say to my people who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice and flowing beverage. In the process of gaining our rightful place we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred.
We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence*. Again and again we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force and copious amounts of PBR.
I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the tradition of Happy Hour.
I have a dream that one day this Ministry will not be questioned on its choice of bar or pub or watering hole.
I have a dream that one day students old and new will be able to sit down together at the table at the Embassay and share a pitcher.
I have a dream that future entering classes will look upon this Ministry as a sign of hope and good faith at the state of our graduate program.
I have a dream today.
Let beer flow in Urbana!
Let beer flow in Champaign!
Let beer flow tomorrow at Murphy's at 5!
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